Is your current faith starting to prove unreliable. Thinking of upgrading or moving to a new provider?
For those of you too lazy to read through all those tomes of religious mumbo jumbo on offer, this provides you with a nice and easy comparison for you to help decide which major faith you should follow. It's a bit like choosing a new pc or fitted kitchen, just scroll down the list and weigh up which religion seems to suit your needs the most.
If you're looking for sex with virgins during your eternal afterlife, Islam might be the one for you (although it doesn't specify if this also applies to women, gays and/or lesbians - you might need some further research). On the other hand, if you want to enjoy the "radiance of the divine" for evermore, Judaism is for you. What do Christians get for a life devoted to service, worship and praise? Erm, well, only a load more service, worship and praise, it seems.
Islam seems to be the winner here, and you'll be glad to know your virgins won't have been handled by "man or djinn". But if you're looking for "assurance of salvation" only Judaism and Christianity can guarantee it (with conditions). Whereas Islam is a bit vague.
If you want your enemies to be sent to Purgatory, choose Islam or certain brands of Christianity. If you're a bit worried about your own standing regarding damnation, choose Purgatory-free Judaism.
If you're a "the cup is half full" type, Islam's belief that man is basically good might suit your generally upbeat nature. If you're a "the cup is half empty" pessimistic type, you might find Christianity's "men are inherently wicked" more in line with your overall outlook. If you can't decide, don't worry, Judaism can't either.
For being a good boy or girl, Islam offers a wopping 7 levels of reward! This is a clear winner over the others, with Judaism offering only a paltry 3 levels, and Christianty not offering any levels at all (they opperate on their own system of "degrees" which I suspect is designed to camouflage a lack of a properly defined reward).
If you fancy Isreal as a future holiday destination, however, Islam is right out.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Which Faith?
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23 comments:
One caution about choosing Islam - there's a theory that the Quran has been mistranslated, and instead of offering virgins, you may only end up with raisins.
Here's a link to one site with this theory.
haha - then you read the lengthy comment below refuting the claims.
Amazing how deeply people sink their minds into this stuff, as if they're delving into mysteries of advanced physics.
Then you remember this is all merely to reassert - virgins are very definately still on the menu.
My Unitarian minister also mentioned the raisins versus virgins thing LOL
This was fascinating-thanks, Simone!!!
You're welcome, my Scribbly One.
Thanks for stopping by, Simon. Here's the link you asked about: God is for Suckers! I haven't included it in either of my articles about it simply because I haven't wanted to give the impression that I'm deliberately singling it out. I tend to prefer that if people surf to another site from my own, they then be able to form their own impressions of it.
Thanks jim.
Good stuff. The math doesn't add up. Is it 72 virgins per suicide bomber? Or is it capped at 72? I thought Islam was strong in mathematics. What gives? While I'm on it; was there one Wile E. Coyote or many? Where can I reach you?
Uh, Simon?
You might wanna look into an alter-ego.
You've provided quite a service here. Do you get some sort of commission on all the new sign-ups? I feel some sort of virgin/raisin pyramid scheme might be amiss.
Ah, Wile E Coyote... I always felt for the poor sucker. The Road Runner was just an irritating tease. I prayed he would get eaten. Perhaps the only time I ever asked God for anything.
You say "Simone", I say "Simon"...
Not actually my guide, Jay, but perhaps they can slip me a virgin to accompany me in Purgatory.
Virgins are overrated. I should know, I've been one.
lol
the old ones are the best....
jokes I mean, not virgins...
Don't lie! You meant both LOL
nothing wrong with an old virgin... probably.
Hot!
I don't like any of these options, any others?
Apparently Mormons not only have degrees within their heaven (celestial kingdom) but levels of "heaven". Telestar, terrestial and Celestial. Celestial is where you can 'marry' hundreds of women and become your own god. So another one for the pot o' choice.
What the Quran doesn't tell you:
18 under the age of 8.
18 so ugly their own mother cringes
18 lesbians
18 psycho-bitches from Hell
And all of them fighting among themselves.
How else do you think they could muster up 72 virgins? All the good ones are taken (that goes for both sexes).
The Man From A.L.L.A.H. (Always Laughing Loudly At Humor) We are the joke.
What about scientology?
Not included in this survey.
is Scientology a religion or a philosphy?
I believe its a mixture of the two. Although many people who take the courses aren't aware of it. They just pay the money to be told some common sense, and some common nonsense.
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